What is coercive control and how you can spot the signs!

FORCEWIDE

Domestic abuse doesn’t always mean physical abuse. Domestic abuse can take shape in many forms with members of our communities becoming victims of coercive control without even realising it is happening to them.

Perpetrators of coercive control trap their partner in the relationship using various means such as emotional abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse and violence.

The abuse usually forms a wider a pattern of behaviour with the perpetrator stripping their loved one of their identity; isolating and depriving them to the point they completely depend on them in every element of their life over a period of time. 

Victims are often left feeling scared, making the norms of everyday life feeling like the most monumental of challenges.

Talking through the stages of Coercive Control from our Safeguarding Governance Unit Detective Inspector Becky Holmes said: “In the early stages of coercive and controlling relationships, on the surface, the victim will believe that they are in a loving new relationship, full of excitement, making it feel like a bit of a whirlwind romance.

“The speed and the intensity of the relationship progresses in a number of different ways with the perpetrator declaring their love, victim and perpetrators moving in together, having a baby or getting married.”

“Once the victim is ‘trapped’ in the relationship, the perpetrator begins to become increasingly possessive and jealous, excusing their abusive behaviour as a display of love and loyalty.

DI Holmes continued: “With the relationship intensifying the perpetrators abuse escalates and the behaviour becomes more frequent, more serious and more severe.

“The perpetrator may monitor the victims’ daily activities, controlling where they go and who they speak to, the violence may start or get worse and they may make threats to the victim, their family or threaten suicide should the victim leave them.  

“This leaves the victim feeling confused and isolated, they have already begun to spend less time with their family and friends as a result of the perpetrators control, possessiveness and jealousy.”

At this point in the relationship, it isn’t uncommon for the psychological abuse to escalate with perpetrators testing the level of control they have over their partner by introducing strict rules and rituals.

DI Becky Holmes continued: “Strict rules and rituals usually go hand in and hand and can be something as simple as the perpetrator expecting things around the house to be done in a certain order, meals to be served at a certain time, or expecting the person to dress or look a certain way.

“The victim will be aware of the consequences should they not stick to the routine or ritual imposed on them.”

By setting rituals and routines for their partner, this allows the abuser to test the level of control they have over them. It isn’t uncommon for the rituals and routine to change at a moment’s notice, causing confusion and further distress for the victim.

DI Becky Holmes added: “If demands aren’t met, on top of all the controlling behaviour they are experiencing, the victim will be subject to further abuse such as threats of separation, threats to harm the children so that the victim will do almost anything to keep themselves safe.

“Nobody should be left feeling scared or like they don’t have any choices for fear of physical, psychological, emotional, or financial repercussions.”

We take all incidents extremely seriously and we would encourage anyone who believes they have been a victim or witnessed domestic abuse, in any form, to contact us as soon as possible. To report domestic abuse call us on 101 or if you’re in immediate danger, always call us on 999.

You can find out more about the different types of domestic abuse and the support networks available by visiting our campaign page here